For ANY parent, the well-being and safety of their child is the top-most priority. However, despite our best efforts as parents, child sexual abuse remains an issue worldwide. It’s an every parent’s nightmare. Having known that, it’s essential to be aware of the signs of abuse to detect if your child has been abused or not. Important Note: It’s important to remember, the signs and symptoms don’t confirm the abuse but it’s an indication to inquire further.

Most children don’t even know that they are being abused or if they know, they may not disclose it to their parents, especially if they feel ashamed, confused or scared. This is why it is crucial for parents to recognize the signs if your child has been sexually abused.

In this blog post, I will share 5 signs to look for so that you can inquire further and find out if your child has been sexually abused. We will focus on behavioural, emotional, and physical indicators that every parent should be aware of.

1. SUDDEN CHANGES IN MOOD OR BEHAVIOUR

Children who have been sexually abused often exhibit sudden and unexplained changes in behavior or mood. If your child becomes unusually withdrawn, anxious, scared, aggressive or even happier, chirpier, friendlier – it may be an indicator of abuse. These changes may manifest in several ways:

• If your once-outgoing child suddenly becomes introverted, avoids spending time with friends, or isolates themselves from family members, it could be a sign that something is wrong.
• Children may act out, becoming more defiant, angry or frustrated for no apparent reason.
• Frequent, unexplained episodes of crying or emotional distress could signal an internal struggle related to abuse.
• If they suddenly start liking someone (mostly adults) and want to visit them frequently, it could be that they are bribed or loved in a way where they won’t refuse inappropriate behaviour.

It’s important these behavioral shifts can be subtle or happen gradually, making them harder to detect. If you notice persistent changes in your child’s demeanor, approach them gently and encourage open communication.

LESSON FOR PARENTS:

Pay attention to sudden shifts in your child’s behavior and mood. While these changes don’t always indicate sexual abuse, they warrant closer attention and a conversation with your child.

2. UNEXPLAINED FEAR OF CERTAIN PLACES OR PEOPLE

One of the more telling signs of sexual abuse is an irrational or sudden fear of certain individuals or locations. Children may develop an intense fear or aversion to people they once trusted, such as a family member, friend, teacher, doctor, or neigbours. They may also show reluctance or fear when visiting particular places, such as a school, park, or someone’s home.

This fear often stems from the association between the abuser and the place where the abuse occurred. Your child may:

• Refuse to visit certain places they previously enjoyed.
• Display heightened anxiety when they hear the name of the person involved or are expected to spend time with them.
• Make excuses to avoid going to specific locations or seeing certain people.

When your child exhibits these behaviors, it’s crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and avoid forcing them into these environments. Instead, gently ask your child why they are feeling fearful and create a safe space for them to open up.

LESSON FOR PARENTS:

A sudden fear of specific people or places can be an indicator of sexual abuse. Trust your child’s instincts and explore the reasons behind their anxiety without pressuring them to share more than they are comfortable with.

3. KNOWLEDGE OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS BEYOND THEIR AGE

Children learn about sexuality and their bodies gradually as they grow. However, if a child displays knowledge of sexual acts or behaviors that are not appropriate for their age, it could indicate exposure to sexual abuse.

For example, younger children might use sexually explicit language, mimic sexual acts with toys, or engage in inappropriate physical behavior with others. This knowledge often comes from being exposed to or involved in sexual acts, and it’s not typical for children to understand these things at an early age.

As a parent, it’s important to:

• Pay attention to how your child talks about their body and any sexual terms they might use.
• Observe their playtime behaviours for any unusual actions that may be sexually suggestive.
• If your teenager locks themselves with devices in their bathrooms or rooms, it’s important to check their history and have a conversation on what are tey being exposed to and by who.

Children may not fully understand the inappropriate nature of what they have been exposed to, so approach this situation carefully, offering reassurance that it’s safe to talk about anything they are confused about.

LESSON FOR PARENTS:

Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge or behavior can be a strong indicator of abuse. Take note of any sexualized language or actions and gently inquire about their origin.

4. PHYSICAL SIGNS OF TRAUMA OR DISCOMFORT

While not all cases of sexual abuse result in visible physical symptoms, it’s essential to be aware of any physical signs that may suggest abuse has occurred. Some of these signs include:

• Unexplained injuries or bruises near the genital or any body part.
• Frequent complaints of pain or discomfort in their private parts.
• Difficulty walking or sitting due to pain.

In some cases, children may also develop infections, such as urinary tract infections (UTIs), or exhibit sudden changes in hygiene habits, such as refusing to bathe or excessively washing their hands or body.

If you notice any physical symptoms or your child frequently complains of pain in their private areas, take them to a healthcare professional immediately. Be cautious when asking questions, ensuring that your child feels comfortable and unpressured to share.

LESSON FOR PARENTS:

Physical symptoms may indicate sexual abuse, and it’s crucial to seek medical attention if your child shows signs of pain or injury. Always approach the situation with care, ensuring your child feels safe.

5. SUDDEN CHANGES IN SCHOOL PERFORMANCE OR SOCIAL INTERACTIONS

Children who have experienced sexual abuse may struggle with concentration, focus, and motivation at school. Their academic performance may decline, and they may start to have difficulties completing tasks or staying engaged in lessons.

Additionally, they may:

• Lose interest in activities they once enjoyed
• Withdraw from friends or social groups
• Show signs of depression or anxiety, such as excessive worry, sadness, or fatigue

These changes can result from the emotional toll of abuse, as the child may be preoccupied with their traumatic experiences and unable to process them healthily. If you notice these shifts, speak to your child’s teachers and monitor their academic and social behaviour closely.

LESSON FOR PARENTS:

A sudden decline in school performance and social interaction can be a red flag. Pay close attention to how your child engages with their friends and activities, and seek help if these changes persist.

What to do if you suspect abuse?

If you suspect that your child has been sexually abused, it’s important to take immediate steps to support and protect them:

• When your child discloses any details, remain calm, listen carefully, and avoid expressing shock or anger. Reassure them that they are not at fault and that you believe them.
• Contact a therapist or counsellor like me who specializes in child sexual abuse. Professional support can help your child process their trauma and begin the healing journey.
• Depending on the situation, you may need to contact the authorities or child protection services to ensure the abuser is held accountable and to prevent further harm.
• Healing from sexual abuse is a long and complex process. Continue to provide your child with love, care, and emotional support as they navigate their recovery.

Recognizing the signs of sexual abuse is a crucial step in protecting your child from further harm. By staying vigilant and fostering open communication, you can empower your child to speak up and ensure they receive the support they need.

If you need any guidance on discussing sensitive topics with your child or suspect abuse, reach out to me for a 1:1 consultation. You can also subscribe to my premium newsletter ‘The Growing Ones’ for parents.